Catholic Dictionary

I figure amid the debate that I've been having here, a little bit of humour was needed. So was a new post at Wayward Heart. God bless!

This information is for Catholics only!!
It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!!
The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by OHIP. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

KNEELERS: Medieval torture devices still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, readers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

Thanks to Helen, the church secretary, for that one!
God bless

All Saints' Eve Party!

Alright, if you missed this, because you thought you had better things to do with your night on Hallowe'en, YOU WERE WRONG!

Yeah, so last night was our hallowe'en "alternative" party. Although, really, having an All Saints' Eve party really isn't an alternative to Hallowe'en, since Hallowe'en is short for "All Hallowed Evening". "Hallowed" is "Holy" like in the "Our Father": "Hallowed be Thy Name." So "All Hallowed Eve" is "All Holy Eve", and "Saints" means "Holy Ones". So in actual fact, "Hallowe'en" is in fact the alternative to the ancient pagan holiday "Samhain". If you want to know what the heck I'm talking about, read the post below this. If you want to hear about the awesometastic Hallowe'en party, read on!

So from 6:00pm-9:00pm last night, we had a party in the Parish Centre at St. Andrew's Church. Shortly after 6, when most of the people who were coming (8 came for the whole night, and 4 others were there for part of the night, plus Melissa and I. I think that's a pretty good turn-out, especially considering the competition!) I opened with a word of prayer asking God for a fun and safe night, and then read Hebrews 12:1-2:

With so many witnesses in a great cloud all around us, we too, then, should throw off everything that weighs us down and the sin that clings so closely, and with perseverance keep running in the race which lies ahead of us. Let us keep our eyes on Jesus, who leads us in our faith and brings it to perfection: for the sake of the joy which lay ahead of Him, He endured the cross, disregarding the shame of it, and has taken His seat at the right hand of God's throne.

After that, I read to them "The Martyrdom of Polycarp" to realise just what some of these "Cloud of Witnesses" had gone through, knowing that they were watching and praying for us in Heaven now. After that, we began the party with candy and chocolate and chips. We'd planned various activities and had great prizes for the winners. The first of these was "The Great Saint Search". Melissa (my wife, if you're new here) and I looked up 8 random saints online, and prepared brief biographies on them. Then we drafted a list of 20 questions. We hid the saint bios throughout the parish centre, and the one who got all the correct answers first won. (The saints, if you are interested, were St. Anne, St. Polycarp of Smyrna, St. Gregory the Great, St. Catharine of Sienna, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Joan of Arc, St. Thér?se of Lisieux, and, of course, St. Andrew the Apostle.

The winners of the Saint Search were Dez and her friend Mike, who each received $2 of Tim Horton's gift certificates (If someone had done it solo and won, they would have got the whole book of $5).

Later, we had a Pumpkin-Carving contest. The winners were the sister-brother team of Monica and Stephen S, who carved very beautifully, "I <3 Greg" into their pumpkin. How could I turn that down? (Actually, the other team copied that idea, but Monica and Stephen's pumpkin was much more aesthetically pleasing). For their troubles, they received $2 each of McDonald's gift certificates.

Throughout the night, we asked Bible Trivia questions, and the one with the correct answer received a Hallowe'en-sized chocolate bar. We also drew some door prizes, and Steve F. won a hackey-sack with a glow-in-the-dark shock sensor. Monica got a cool magnetic pad. But the ultimate door-prize was still to come, as was the best costume award.

Later in the night, we played a "Christianised" and All Saints appropriate rendition of the wink-murder style game, "Mafia", called "Persecution". The scenario is that the players are Christians in the Early Church, which is being persecuted by the Roman Empire. The Emperor (not actually a player) has hired two spies to infiltrate the Christian Church and betray Christians to him to be executed. The Bishop of the church has the responsibility to protect his flock, and must root out and excommunicate the spies before all the Christians have been martyred. At the beginning of the game, everyone's heads are down in the circle, and the narrator (who has the pleasure of describing the glorious manner in which the saints were...united with Christ) selects the spies, and then selects the Bishop.

Then the spies select one of the Christians to report to the Emperor. Once they put their heads down, the Bishop looks up and tries to select a spy to excommunicate. Then everyone brings their heads up and the narrator tells of the manner in which the Christian singled out by the spies meets his or her demise. After that, if the Bishop guessed right, then one of the spies is excommunicated. (If he guesses wrong, that segment of the round is skipped.) The whole church responds to the martyrdom by selecting a member within the ranks and asking the Bishop to excommunicate that one. In this way, if you guess right, both spies could be caught right away! But if the people guess wrong, then an innocent Christian is excommunicated. Then everyone's head goes down and the cycle repeats until either all the Christians are executed or until the two spies are excommunicated. The fun is in the narrator's story-telling. And, last night, just as in the real world, the Church never lost!

At the end of the night, we awarded Dez with the best-costume award for her portrayal of St. Maria Gorretti, a teenager in the early part of last century who was stabbed numerous times for her faith in Christ. Dez received a $5 gift card to Second Cup.

After that, we awarded the grand door prize to Joe, who received a $20 gift card to HMV!

The party was a blast, and is now an annual tradition at St. Andrew's Church!

I'll add pictures later!

Happy Hallowe'en...?

The following was the write-up I did for Sunday's bulletin. I thought I'd reproduce it here, since I haven't blogged in a while. I edited it so it's not talking about "tomorrow night" anymore, but "last night", etc.

Last night was Hallowe'en, and every year among devout Christians, this odd little holiday always seems to stir up some controversy. "Is it right for me or for my children to participate in such an evil-looking holiday?" It's a valid question, especially since the Bible plainly tells us to avoid the very appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

But isn't it all just harmless fun? I thought a brief history lesson might help sort this all out. In ancient England, Scotland, and Ireland, long before they were called such, "Hallowe'en" was a pagan holiday known as "Samhain", observed as a "day of the dead" by the Celtic people. It was, all in all, a fairly nasty party (with the scariness, ghost stuff, and even human sacrifices playing a role). This bit of "fun" spread to Rome when it conquered Britain in around AD 45.

But there's more to this story (here's the good part). The Christian Church continued to grow and spread the Gospel, and, many times was persecuted. Many martyrs gave their lives for the sake of the Gospel, and the Church wanted to honour them. Later, many people who lived exemplary lives, but weren't martyred necessarily, were also to be honoured by the Church as Saints. In the 8th century, Pope Gregory III consecrated a basilica to honour all these saints and martyrs (who had grown so numerous already, that individual dates were impossible to set!) and dedicated it on November 1st.

Why did he pick that day? Because the Church has this beautiful practice of converting not only people, but cultures. And what part of a culture is more in need of converting than a pagan, human-sacrificing, day of the dead? A holiday that already honours the dead very easily converts to one that honours the saints--especially once the rather evil pagan practices are quite done away with. Well, not quite 100 years later, Pope Gregory IV comes along and likes this idea, and declares that November 1st is to be observed as "All Saints Day" by the entire Church. And October 31st is its vigil.

And so, yesterday, we remembered not that ghouls, goblins, and ghosts are returning to torment us, but rather, we acknowledged and thanked God for the lives of His Saints who spread His Gospel to the nations. If our morbid society likes the darker aspects of Hallowe'en, then I suggest that it is not a time to condemn and reject the world, but in its day to celebrate darkness, let us, like the saints who have gone before, shine as an increasingly bright light in the midst of the darkness!