Catholic Dictionary
I figure amid the debate that I've been having here, a little bit of humour was needed. So was a new post at Wayward Heart. God bless!
This information is for Catholics only!!
It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!!
The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by OHIP. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
KNEELERS: Medieval torture devices still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, readers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Thanks to Helen, the church secretary, for that one!
God bless
This information is for Catholics only!!
It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!!
The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better.
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by OHIP. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
KNEELERS: Medieval torture devices still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, readers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Thanks to Helen, the church secretary, for that one!
God bless
Labels: Fun
posted by Gregory at 2:43 p.m.
2 Comments:
Hey Matt.
The idea wasn't to have an interesting perspective, so much as some out and out satirical humour. If we take ourselves so seriously that we cannot laugh at ourselves, the only reason, and the end result, will be a weak and insecure faith.
We are human, striving to be something better--and often failing. If we cannot laugh at our failures, then we will continue to be afraid to make them--and that fear will lead to us being unable to do anything at all!
And it is sometimes easier if we can learn from our mistakes through laughter than through sternness.
No disrespect intended, I assure you.
God bless
Dude, one of your best posts! And I completely agree, you gotta be able to laugh at yourself. Heh...H2OLY.
.::.Dez.::.
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